Step Parenting: Survival Secrets

Parenting your own children is hard enough, but an even greater challenge is step parenting children who are not your own. This is one of the toughest jobs, especially if you have never had children of your own and are entering into a relationship with a person who already has children. Step parents are dealing with:

Children who have gone through pain in their lives through events such as divorce or the loss of a parent.
Grief adjustments after loss

Cautious fears in parents and children of starting over
Anger and frustration demonstrated as withdrawal or else acting-out behaviors.

One of the most difficult aspects of step parenting is that you want to be a parent, but you also want to be a friend. You want the children to know that they can trust you and confide in you.

This may be difficult for them to do, because you are not their biological parent and many children will hold this label over your head of “You’re not my mom!” or “You’re not my dad!”

There are, however, simple steps that you can take to survive step parenting and to become a good parent to a child who is leery to accept you as such.

Step Parenting Step 1 - Communication!
One of the most important and number one suggestion on every psychologist’s list is communication. Communication means that you have to be both a good listener and a good speaker. Because families come from different families they often have different styles of communication, jargon and body language. It takes a lot of time for families to learn to merge together and to communicate effectively.

Step Parenting Step 2 - Be Flexible!
The next most important thing to consider in step parenting is flexibility. The happiest step families are those that are able to compromise when they need to. Not only are you working around your own personal schedules, but you have to remember that the children now have two families that they have to plan with and schedules don’t always work out the same. Flexibility is able to aid in creating a less stressed environment.

Step Parenting Step 3 - Patience is a Virtue!
Patience is truly a virtue and every stepparent must use his or her patience. To everything from dealing with your stepchildren to dealing with the children as well as his or her biological parent, patience is key. It takes a lot of time and patience to learn to love and to trust both for you and the children.

Everyone Needs a Good Laugh
Everyone needs to keep their sense of humor ready when dealing with family. Humor can often ease some pain between children and stepparents. Humor can help bring the family together as well. Use your humor wisely and be certain not to use it at the expense of another, this is not something you want your children learning to do.

Compromise, Compromise, Compromise
Compromise is key in all new families, but especially for a stepparent moving into an existing home. Many psychologists agree that it is best if you and your new spouse can afford to move into a new home, then you should do it. This will eliminate a lot of resentment that may come from changes in direction to changes in family traditions. If you are unable to move into a new home then you need to be prepared for a lot of compromise in the way the household is run.

Simply Be Yourself
The most important thing that you can do is to simply be yourself. Kids will see through a mask, so don’t wear yourself out trying to be somebody you’re not. Kids appreciate honesty, especially if they’re older, and you don’t want to try to be the perfect stepparent. It just won’t work.

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